I'm drying my goat as we speak...

In the work place, and a particular personal interest of mine in the realm of conflict is the nuances associated with verbal versus textual communication and how they can instigate conflict. I've found often in my personal life and professional life, that communication is a finicky beast requiring tact and clear intention, and said beast becomes especially temperamental when addressed electronically or over text. 

We've all seen those hilarious posts on the internet of auto-correct getting the best of us:

Not only is auto-correct a frustrating (and sometimes hilarious) nuance of textual communication, but misunderstandings and miscommunication are evident in conversations even without the interference of our phone. Misinterpretation is normal and a potential component of any conversation, and often a catalyst of conflict. I believe conflict resolution is more efficient and effective in person because attending skills, reflective listening, and body language/tone aren't lost like in textual conversation.

It makes me wonder then why people rely so heavily on textual communication despite it's precarious nature to unintentionally deceive the recipients of our messages... Especially since textual conversation has become so extremely ubiquitous in our personal and professional lives. I think part of the reason why textual conversation is so prevalent is it couples so nicely with our aversion to conflict. 

Over the phone (not in a verbal sense) it is easy to say something or call someone out, and then be able to hide in the safety of not having to see the person's physical response to your confrontation. We can avoid conflict by creating more conflict. Eye contact and tone are lost in text, so if someone asked me if I like pickled herring over text I could sarcastically roll my eyes and text back "no, they're gross" or I could genuinely share my disgust for pickled herring and text back "no, they're gross." It's the same exact message either way, and because phones can't text eye movement or tone, the way it's received is pretty much out of my control. So either way, if I go over to their house they're going to think I don't like pickled herring. Which is probably a good thing, for everyone. Cause pickled herring are gross.

I've found in personal situations it's incredibly frustrating to be an attentive and reflective listener when there isn't someone to physically be communicating with, and this frustration usually leads to some form of conflict. How can you expect to adequately develop vocal empathy through the keys of your computer or work on the application of SOLER through snapchat? You don't. The quality and effectiveness of modern communication has been compromised by our dependency on technology as a means to sometimes avoid conflict. I won't deny I've avoided in person conflict by trying address it via text or Facebook message. What I've found most frustrating is these sometimes multiple hour conversations over text only take 5-10 minutes in person.

The effects of textual communication in a workplace is kind of a double-edged sword. In some respects, it increases efficiency because we can communicate faster, more conveniently, and from great distances. For a rafting company for example, this is great because the employees in the field can maintain communication with employees who might work in the office in town. However, that speed and convenience compromises the quality and effectiveness of the messages possibly being communicated. So what may have been a message from the guide to let the office staff know they didn't get the correct roster could be misinterpreted that the guide doesn't think the office employee can properly do their job. All because of the lack of attending skills, reflective listening, and body language/tone.

So next time, whether you're texting your mom or your boss that you're running late because you need to dry your goat, maybe consider just calling them on the phone or getting there on time to prevent any confusion or conflict.

Sources:

When Children Text All Day, What Happens To Their Social Skills? (2011, December 10). Retrieved March 2, 2015, from http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2011/12/09/children-texting-technology-social-skills_n_1137570.html

Harrison, Marissa A. (2012, December). U txt WHEN? College students' social contexts of text messaging. The Social Science Journal, Volume 49, Issue 4. December 2012.

Images from damnyouautocorrect.com

Do You Wanna Build a Fully Functioning Person?

I'm going to be that person and let's take a look at the 3 key characteristics interwoven in the film:

For those of you who have not seen this Disney work of art, it's an endearing tale of two sisters in the Kingdom of Arendelle. Queen Elsa has the power of freezing to create ice and snow. One day when they were little kids, Elsa accidentally hits her younger sister Anna (completely ordinary, no superhuman freezing skills) and almost kills her. Some rolly polly trolls save her life. Then Elsa remains recluse in her room for fear of hurting Anna again. After a cute song about building a snowman, their parents die when their ships sinks in the ocean. Three years later, things go down at Elsa's coronation after Anna spontaneously becomes engaged. So obviously Elsa loses it, freezes the entire kingdom, and sets off an enternal winter. She retreats to the mountain where Anna chases after her with hunky mountain man Kristoff and his reindeer Sven. They meet a cute little snowman named Olaf, and while Anna tries to convince Elsa to return to the kingdom she accidentally freezes her sister's heart. And in any true fashion of a Disney movie, only an act of true love can save her sister from death.

Now that we all have a general understanding of the film's plot, let's deconstruct the 3 key characteristics: genuineness, empathy, and unconditional positive regard.

Genuineness
If any character from Frozen epitomizes my perception of genuineness, it would be Olaf. He's incredibly... 
Self-accepting: 

Experiences feelings:

And is authentic:

In my future as a leader, facilitator, teacher, counselor, and human being I hope to be as genuine and as self-aware as Olaf. He's quirky, expressive, and loving and I believe in order to be perceived that way in my future endeavors I must carry myself without any fronts or facades just like Olaf in the film Frozen.

Empathy

Early on Elsa develops a deep emotional connection with Anna as most siblings do... I feel like it's often easier to feel empathetic of another's situation when a strong relationship is already established. 

After the accident though, Elsa retreated to her room out of fear of hurting her little sister, thus showing her understanding her powers are what put her sister in such danger. However, as they matured and after their parent's passing, Anna develops a complete lack of empathy for Elsa's situation because she grew up not remembering  Elsa had powers.

But then, this is where the non-possessive love comes in... and how the empathy card appears as well in the film.

Non-Possessive Positive Regard (Love)
So Elsa retreats to the North Mountain to escape the fear and the backup inducing nature of Arendelle... (because Elsa is totally an amiable, who else would lose their business like that other than an amiable and then run away?) and explores her powers...

Anna out of her loving and non-paternalistic nature, sets out to find her sister and bring her back from the North Mountain to bring summer back to Arendelle. She meets some guy named Kristoff, but he's just there for that classic Disney facade that every girl must find her valiant pungent reindeer king.

So with the help of Olaf, they eventually find Elsa and her palace. As any amiable in secondary backup would do, Elsa attacks. She feels threatened and doesn't want to hurt her sister again. Unfortunately, Elsa freezes her sister's heart after she did everything in her power to acquiesce in order to protect her sister from herself.

After another visit to the trolls and a speedy trip back to Arendelle on the back of a reindeer, Anna and Kristoff discover only an act of true love will thaw Anna's heart or else she will die... some sad things happen and Anna eventually realizes that you can't marry someone you just met. Eventually she ends up in a blizzard and is pitted between choosing her sister whom she has come to accept and respect and Kristoff who she is falling in love with. But (SPOILER) she chooses her sister out of an act of unconditonal positive regard because her crazy ex-fiance is about to kill Elsa.

Elsa realizes what her sister did for her, and realized it was the ultimate expression of genuineness, empathy, and unconditonal non-possessive love. Which obviously generates warmth, thaws Anna from frozen eternity, and everyone lives happily ever after as Elsa blows up the giant snowflake of love!

Conclusion
To conclude, in my future endeavors as a leader, facilitator, teacher, counselor, and human being I hope to embody all three of these traits in order to be a "fully functioning person." I want others to connect to me like I connect to the characters in this film, I think that's why Frozen became so popular so quickly and so relateable to all ages, because it portrays and demonstrates these essential traits which are valuable to all human beings. 

Frozen - Plot Summary (2013). Retrieved (2015, February 2) from http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2294629/plotsummary

Various images retrieved from Tumblr, google, and my own personal collection of GIFS.

Personality and Behavioral Inventories

My interpretation of the difference between Personality and Behavior:

Bolton's Inventory Compared and Contrasted

Bolton's inventory is clearly behavioral, it requires introspective assessment of how others view you. It deeply analyzes interpersonal interactions between the different behavioral styles by looking at their methods of connection, behavior tendencies in backup, and gives insight on how to more efficiently cooperate with behavior styles different from your own. This inventory is incredibly in-depth and borderline pedagogic. However, some inventories aren't as insightful as we'll see later...

When comparing Bolton's inventory, it's clear inventories are used in a variety of settings. For example Bolton's inventory is applicable to a workplace environment, but is also generic enough to be applied in personal and academic settings. It's accessible to everyone who can access his book or resources online. Whereas in a more clinical setting, behavior inventories like the Alcohol Beliefs Scale and Daily Sleep Diary are used to identify maladaptive behaviors in order to develop plans to target said behaviors. Though behavioral inventories can be found online, these more specific behavior inventories usually are provided by professionals. 

To contrast, personality inventories are all about the individual and looking at their unique characteristics. For example, Buzzfeed is full of personality quizzes ranging from what your porridge says about you to which fictional badass are you? These personality inventories are usually just for fun and not necessarily useful in future professional careers. But maybe throwing down I'm comparable to Batman on a resume might not be such a bad idea...

Unlike Buzzfeed personality quizzes, Bolton's behavior inventory is very constructive and introspective, and can totally be applicable to future professional endeavors. Like Bolton's behavior inventory, there are personality inventories which are definitely held in a higher regard such as the Myers-Briggs personality test.

Conclusion

No matter the type of inventory, they all require a degree of apperception. Inventories whether they're behavioral or analyzing one's personality in my opinion are subjective and necessitate a certain amount of introspection. Ultimately, I believe any inventory is based on opinions and influences people to put themselves into boxes that aren't always accurate. Inventories should be used as a tool when it comes to building the person you want to become, not as the foundation, otherwise your foundation will always be a little unstable.

Sources
1. Measuring Personality: Various Approaches Including Self-Report, Behavioral and Projective Tests. (2014, November 4). Retrieved January 25, 2015, from https://www.boundless.com/psychology/textbooks/boundless-psychology-textbook/personality-16/assessing-personality-84/measuring-personality-various-approaches-including-self-report-behavioral-and-projective-tests-321-12856/

2. What Your Porridge Says About You (2015, January 23). Retrieved January 25, 2015, from http://www.buzzfeed.com/tomchivers/you-better-salt-your-porridge#.pkYy29plo

3. Which Fictional Badass Are You? (2015, January 23). Retrieved January 25, 2015, from http://www.buzzfeed.com/danielkibblesmith/which-fictional-badass-are-you#.qj1gmjly9

4. Myers, I. B. (1962). The Myers-Briggs Type Indicator: Manual (1962).